Light a candle, morsels - my dear chum Effluvia is staying with me until her January nuptials. She’s a dear thing, but insists on one-upping the Glittery Set.

“Did you hear?” she huffed, “Melanie Brown, aka Miss Scary Spice, is allegedly renewing her vows with a big blowout in Egypt. And her invitations are 11 pages long. Each!”