Jon Stewart has nothing to worry about.

“Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday” demonstrated the comedy show’s strengths and far too many of its weaknesses.

Once again, as it has been all season for the regular show, the opening skit was the best bit of the night.

In a spoof of the presidential debate, McCain (Darrell Hammond) called his opponent “pee-pants,” demonstrated his independence from the Republican party with a series of embarrassing anecdotes (he stole checks from Elizabeth Dole!) and wandered aimlessly across the stage.

Faux Obama admitted domestic terrorist William Ayers is his best friend. Moderator Tom Brokaw (Chris Parnell) cut everyone off. And among those undecided voters asking questions - a certain “William Murray” wanted to know what could be done about the Cubs’ losing streak.

On this the candidates were in perfect agreement: The Cubs are hopeless. And Murray looked stricken.

Once you got past this skit, the rest of the hour-half (the first of three pre-election specials) was spent stuck with SNL headwriter Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler at the weekend update desk.

The only glimpse you got of Tina Fey came in commercials for the upcoming “30 Rock” (and boy does that look good).  Despite rumors SNL was pursuing her for a cameo, Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin did not appear. (And I wouldn’t expect her here - look for her to pop up much closer to the actual election, where her appearance might have a chance of changing a few minds.)

Poehler got off a good joke describing Palin’s energy policy: “America runs on Dunkin’s.”  Meyers and Poehler riffed on everything from OJ to cats. Some of it was funny; a lot of it was just the average filler you’d get Saturday at 12:10 a.m. SNL needs to step up its weeknight game.

The crew of “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” deals with losing one of their own, on the season premiere tonight at 9 p.m. on WBZ (Ch. 4).

CBS formally requested that critics not reveal the fate of Warrick (Gary Dourdan). To that, I can only say, seriously?

Anyone who watched the season finale or has an inkling of Dourdan’s real-life problems knows exactly where this episode is going.

“CSI” isn’t one for dealing with emotion - the cast is pretty much ciphers meant to deal with the techie parts of the job - so tonight’s ep will feel strange to fans. Sara (Jorja Fox) returns, but there’s nothing offered that explains where she stands with Grissom. The criminals involved here must be the dumbest perps the CSI crew has ever had to deal with.

Who knew Grissom and Warrick were having such a bromance? In the final moments of the show, a picture of Warrick is displayed prominently. Did the producers pick one in which Dourdan looks so baked on purpose? You decide.

On a much lighter note, over on NBC’s “The Office” (at 9 p.m. on WHDH, Ch. 7), Jim finds a truly evil way to mess with Dwight’s mind. Meredith reveals how far she’ll go for steak coupons, and Michael tells a worried Holly, “I just don’t want my employees thinking their jobs depend on performance.” It’s another great episode.

The producers of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” are terrified of Cloris Leachman.

She’s unpredictable, sassy, brassy and puts the fear back into live TV. Herald reporter Tenley Woodman has an excellent interview with Ms. Leachman that you can find here. Leachman is just as funny as she is oncamera.

The 82-year-old Oscar winner has already called the wooden Samantha Harris a “bitch,” flashed more leg than most of her competitors and tried bribing the judges. (Yeah, $10 each probably wasn’t going to work - but I laughed when she said she was an orphan and threw herself on their mercies.)

When I’m 82, I just hope I’ll be able to chew solid food. Leachman is trying to master some difficult dances - and manages to entertain better than anyone else in the cast.

I wouldn’t be sad to chef Rocco DiSpirito went home this week, but I do think Leachman’s run is just about up.The judges, not wanting another Marie Osmond on their hands, will do their best to lowball her scores. No, Leachman isn’t a great dancer, but she earned her place last week over reality vixen Kim Kardashian. Kardashian is absolutely beautiful - and dead behind the eyes.

I want to use this space to address a few odds ‘n’ ends cluttering my desk…

CW has greenlit a pilot for “The Graysons,” a prequel series following Dick Grayson before he became Robin.

Stupidest idea this week.

Dick Grayson only became interesting when he became Robin, and that is after his parents were murdered during an acrobatic performance (his parents were circus acrobats). In the comics, Dick is anywhere from 8 to about 13 when this happened and Bruce Wayne takes him in as his ward.

I’m guessing CW is seeing all the millions from “The Dark Knight” and figures, well, since Christopher Nolan will never use the character, why not give him the “Smallville” treatment? But to develop this series, they’re going to have to substantially alter his origin.

Next item: Fox has renewed “Fringe” for a full season. My friends say the show is improving. Is Joshua Jackson still on it? It’s not improving.

Next item: Rosie O’Donnell will headline a live variety special on NBC Nov. 26. Hey, don’t even think of shooting the messenger. There are still many people who like friendly Rosie (as opposed to other personas), and the show will serve as backdoor pilot for a regular series. We’ll have to see which Rosie shows up.

Tina Fey returned to “Saturday Night Live” last night for another uproarious imitation of Sarah Palin, this time riffing on Palin’s sitdown with Katie Couric (played by Amy Poehler).

As the Republican vice-presidential nominee, Fey talked about her family’s visit to New York, including a fun visit to the evolution museum, her double-takes of terrorist-looking cab drivers and her determination to get those jobs at the United Nations out of the hands of foreigners.

But the best line of the skit came from Poehler’s eyelid-batting Couric:  “Forgive me, Mrs. Palin, but it seems to me that when cornered, you become increasingly adorable.”

Once again, this opening was the best part of the show. A sketch on the presidential nominee debate seemed as long as the actual event. McCain suspending the campaign for a pie-eating contest? Yawn.

It’s bad enough this show is filled with overpaid comedians who follow along on cue cards the entire night, but now SNL has performers whose ability to read is questionable. Kenan Thompson mangled most of his dialogue last night. Maybe he just needs contacts.

SNL is lucky Fey is willing to moonlight, but the show is not giving viewers any reason to stay up past the opening credits.

John McCain is probably wishing he took the 20 minutes to sit down with David Letterman last night.

No matter how ill prepared he might have been for the appearance, the results couldn’t have compared to the storm he unleashed by canceling at the last minute.

Letterman was not amused and proceeded to make McCain the butt of his jokes for much of the night. The clips are now everywhere, on every major news channel. Not the publicity McCain could have been hoping for.

I’m puzzled by McCain’s request to postpone the debate with his rival Barack Obama. Our economy (which is looking more and more like a legalized pyramid scheme to shaft the working guy, but I digress) has been freefalling for how long? And two days before the debate, he wants to postpone it. McCain hasn’t voted in months but suddenly he’s needed in Congress. Right.

Here’s the thing: Both men are vying for the most important job in the free world and there will always be a crisis of one sort or another. That’s a given. And leadership doesn’t involve ducking your head under your desk. Stand up, speak out, let us know what you would do to solve this mess.

Now more than ever we need to hear these two men speak.

I can’t believe I watched that entire show.

I had an excuse. This fine paper was paying me to do so. The Emmys have hit dismal lows in the ratings, and I imagine last night’s trying entry will continue that downward trend.

The mix of politics gave the night an uncomfortable air. I kept waiting for someone to snap: “For the love of God, please vote for Obama!” You know somebody was thinking it - and several people who made it up to the podium did everything they could to get that message across.

Regardless of where you stand politically, it was inappropriate. This was not the place to endorse any candidate.

Can someone find a muzzle for Howie Mandel? Please?

Kathy Griffin needs some better wigs.

Don Rickles was the only person who could tell a joke last night.

In the interest of full disclosure - and utter shame - I must own up to my dismal record of Emmy predictions. This year, I only got three out of 10 right - a new low for me! I correctly predicted top drama (“Mad Men”), comedy (“30 Rock”) and lead actress, comedy (Tina Fey).

Where did I go wrong? In my teeny defense (easily knocked over by a sneeze, I grant you), I did truly wrestle with best actor comedy and conceded in print Alec Baldwin was a prime contender. Right up until deadline, I went back and forth and finally decided on “The Office’s” Steve Carell. Baldwin is equally deserving.

But Bryan Cranston for outstanding actor in a drama? Seriously? I never saw that coming. I would like a recount.

My biggest fear when the category was announced was that the Emmy voters would stay true to their tired patterns and again hand out the award to “Boston Legal’s” undeserving James Spader.

It’s like the voters watch a certain show in one category and never get over it. How else do you explain six Emmys for “The Amazing Race”? Sure, it’s a good series, but the voters apparently don’t watch any other reality shows.

Sometimes there’s just no guessing how the Academy will vote. Next year, I promise to do better. Now if only the Emmy folks would do the same.

“30 Rock” star Tina Fey returned to NBC’s “Saturday Night Live”  for an opening sketch that terrifically skewered the unseemly adulation being showered upon Republican vice-presidential candidate and political unknown Sarah Palin.

Standing with Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton, the two brilliantly ripped the sexist double standard the two have been held to. While Clinton was ruthlessly attacked, Palin - who could be a heartbeat away from the presidency - has been given a pass.

“I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy,” Poehler as Clinton said.

“And I can see Russia from my house,” Fey as Palin said.

And later:

“Please ask this one about dinosaurs,” Poehler said. “I invite the media to grow a pair - and if you can’t, I will lend you mine.”

Fey looks so much like Palin, they could be sisters, so it was expected she would pop up here. The only question is whether Lorne Michaels can convince her to moonlight. It’s going to be a long election season and she’s needed.

Unfortunately, the rest of the show was horrible. Olympic champion Michael Phelps should stay in the pool. Hell, he should stay underwater. The guy was stiffer than a surfboard. My favorite moment: Not realizing the camera was on him in the last skit of the night, Phelps coughed into his armpit.

Darrell Hammond may be the luckiest guy in show business. He showed up at the hour mark for perhaps two minutes and was never seen again. Headwriter Seth Meyers is more like Jimmy Fallon than Fallon, and the world doesn’t even need one of them, much less two.

CW’s reboot to “Beverly Hills, 90210″ last night won the struggling network its highest ratings ever, according to overnight Nielsen figures released by the network.

According to the network, the two-hour “90210″ was the highest rated scripted series in CW history. Among adults 18-34, the show was No. 1 in key cities New York, Atlanta and Boston, among others.

You can read my review here.

The numbers will fall off in coming weeks, no doubt, but CW may just have a hit on its hands, as improbable as it sounds. The revamp may strike a chord in younger viewers who aren’t bothered by another crop of 30somethings playing teenagers.

What the heck is “The Wire’s” Tristan Wilds doing here, anyway? One thing that raised a flag for me is that on this hyperflirtatious show, no one even bothered to notice the African-American kid. Is he going to be left out of the romance loop because he’s the sole minority on the show?

We’ll have to watch to be sure - although right now, I can’t say I’m looking forward to sitting through more episodes. Those two hours felt like a week.

Just when I think I’m through with it…ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” sucks me back in.

The network announced the lineup for the new season starting Sept. 22. Among the contestants: football great Warren Sapp, singer Toni Braxton, reality/celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito, ex-boy bander Lance Bass, actress Cloris Leachman, reality star Kim Kardashian (which will make a certain fitness blogger on this site very happy - step up if ya know who I mean) and soap legend Susan Lucci.

Damn them! The network is even bringing back Maksim Chmerkovskiy to dance with some volleyball player. I love Maksim because he’s always so ticked off. The guy looks like he would like nothing better than to slap the rest of us mere mortals - judges, contestants, the viewing audience - for failing to obey his brilliance.

Too bad he’s already lost the competition before it has even started. “Dancing” is a popularity contest more than anything, which is why I think the early favorites are Sapp, Braxton and La Lucci.